Children are expensive

The Modern Myth of Expensive Children: What We're Really Paying For

In many Western countries, the decision to have children is increasingly framed around economics. Headlines often scream that raising a child costs over $300,000. Understandably, this terrifies young couples and dissuades many from growing their families. But how accurate are these figures? And more importantly, what are they really measuring?

Problematic Data: Estimated Numbers Often Don’t Reflect Reality

Much of the so-called “cost” of children is not about food, clothing, or shelter—but about lost opportunities, especially for mothers. These estimates often factor in the loss of income when a parent (usually the mother) steps away from full-time work.

But let’s be clear: these are estimates. There is no real-life monetary loss that must be paid in monthly expenses. These numbers are calculated behind a desk, based on hypothetical scenarios—often disconnected from the everyday reality of most families.

And here lies the core problem: these calculations assume that every adult is climbing the corporate ladder, holding a thriving “career” that is jeopardized by child-rearing.

The First Lie: Career vs. Job

Here’s the paradox: the very notion of a “career” has become distorted. While the word suggests long-term progression, prestige, and unique contribution, most people—men or women—don’t actually have careers. They have jobs. They move from one position to another, often in unrelated companies, without accumulating significant social capital or irreplaceable expertise.

They are replaceable. Their roles, while important, are not always tied to any grand arc of innovation, leadership, or public impact.

Unless someone is engaged in academia, groundbreaking research, entrepreneurship, or has a personal brand, the idea that child-rearing equates to “sacrificing a career” is misleading at best.

Double Standrads: 'Motherhood' vs. 'Personal Growth'

A glaring cultural double standard persists: if someone takes a sabbatical to travel, recover from burnout, or “reinvent” themselves, it’s praised as enlightened and courageous. But if a woman chooses to spend a few years building a family, it’s often dismissed as backwards or anti-feminist.

Reality Check: Smart Decisions and Affordable Living

Having children is not inherently expensive. It becomes expensive when filtered through the lens of consumerism and lifestyle inflation.

From my own experience living in Switzerland—a notoriously high-cost country with minimal government support for families—I can confidently say that the actual expenses can be surprisingly low.

For our firstborn, we spent around CHF 1,000 total on a crib, stroller, diaper station, bathtub, and other essentials. For our second child, the cost was under CHF 200, because most items could be reused or bought second-hand.

Why spend more? Children grow out of clothes and toys quickly. The market for second-hand baby items is large, sustainable, and affordable. Families adapt. Communities help.

Real Costs That Are Often Overlooked: Missing Support Networks

Yes, there are costs—but not always monetary. One of the most overlooked reasons raising children feels costly today is the disappearance of support networks.

Unlike in the 70s, 80s, and 90s—when extended family played a direct role in childcare—today’s parents are mostly on their own. Everyone is working. Everyone has to work. Grandma is no longer home during the day. Granddad works until retirement—or beyond. Aunts, uncles, and in-laws are simply not available.

One income is often not enough to cover housing and a car, especially amid inflation and rising living costs since COVID.

When families say, “Childcare is too expensive,” what they often mean is: “I’m alone, and I have no reliable alternatives.”

Many families would love to help, but economical pressure keeps everyone in the workforce. This erodes the intergenerational safety net.

Realistic Monthly Expenses in Switzerland (A High-Cost Country)

Let’s break down real-life, essential monthly costs for a child in Switzerland (Canton Zurich), including food, housing (an extra room), health insurance, and clothing:

• Age 1–3: CHF 350–600/month

• Age 4–6: CHF 505–570/month

• Age 7–9: CHF 595/month

• Age 10–13: CHF 700/month

• Age 14–17: CHF 850/month

Even modest extras—like playgroup (Spielgruppe) once a week—cost around CHF 300–500 for six months (CHF 50–85/month). Far from budget-breaking.

Also worth noting: Switzerland offers child allowances of CHF 215–268 per month, per child, depending on age and canton. Once this government support is factored in, the net cost is even lower.

Child vs. Pet: A Revealing Comparison

Let’s compare that to owning a pet:

🐶 Dog (Monthly Cost in Switzerland):

• Food: CHF 40–100

• Vet/vaccines: CHF 10–30

• Parasite prevention: CHF 5–20

• Grooming/pet sitting/training: CHF 50–200

• Total: CHF 105–350/month

🐱 Cat (Monthly Cost in Switzerland):

• Food and litter: CHF 30–90

• Vet care: CHF 10–40

• Other: CHF 20–80

• Total: CHF 60–270/month

In the early years—especially without childcare—a child may cost not much more than a dog. And yet, no one questions whether society can “afford” pets. We accept their value. We make space for them. But somehow we tell people that we can’t make space for children.

The Second Lie: The Data Behind Plummeting Birthrates vs. Public Narrative

Politicians and public voices often explain plummeting birthrates by pointing to the high costs of raising children. But as shown above, this simply isn’t accurate.

Another common explanation is that “people no longer want many children.” But this also isn’t reflected in the data. If that were true, we would see a rise in one-child families—but that hasn’t happened. Most people who have children still have two or three, which exceeds the 2.1 children per woman needed to maintain a stable population.

So what has changed?

An increasing number of people are having no children at all. Around 33% of women aged 25–40 are childless. Some by choice. Others due to fertility issues, not finding a partner, or starting to try conceiving a baby too late. For many, it’s involuntary—and painful.

This is the real issue. It’s not that people don’t want children. It’s that an increasing number—women and men—never have them. Voluntarily or involuntarily.

For those battling infertility or involuntary childlessness, this is a deeply painful reality, too often ignored or silenced by mainstream narratives that celebrate careerism and individualism under the banners of “empowerment” and “feminism.”

We must ask: is it really helpful to tell an entire generation that having children is too expensive—that education and career must always come first—only to realize, too late, that biology (and the reality that finding a reliable partner to build a family with takes a lot of time and effort) doesn’t negotiate?

It’s no secret that people with children and stable relationships tend to live longer, healthier lives than those without. And yet, the narrative persists: children are a burden, a cost, a sacrifice.

If this continues, the Western world faces not a crisis of war, disease, or famine—but a crisis of empty cradles, born of a story repeated so often that it became accepted truth.

And society will pay a heavy price for not having children: a shortage of medical staff in hospitals, rising healthcare costs (affordable only to the wealthy), crumbling infrastructure due to a lack of skilled tradespeople. Add to this shrinking consumer demand, fewer taxpayers, and underfunded public systems. All of these are direct consequences of a population in decline.

More on these very real, very likely scenarios will be covered in another blog.

The Bigger Picture

If we continue to equate children with loss—of money, of career, of freedom—we miss the larger truth: raising children can be one of the most meaningful, transformative, and enriching human experiences.

So perhaps the better question isn’t:

“Can we afford children?”

But rather:

“What kind of society tries to convince us we can’t?”

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